I just finished watching it again, and I'm flooded with tears. I am so ungrateful for what I have, and who I have. Ideally, when you get home, I'll be more caring and selfless. When I think of all that you are doing--especially with no socks or shoes, I am humbled.
Thank you for being who you are. I am so sorry for my inability to be a "present" mom for you. As I'm emerging from the haze, I'm realizing all that I was just not there for you--emotionally or financially! I'm spending $90 on an ACT prep class for Hannah but didn't think I could spend $30 on a BYU application for you. I am so sorry. We didn't even file for the Regents Scholarships. I so much wanted you to escape Utah. It wasn't right for me to make those decisions for you.
I want to live a life with no regrets, but it's hard when I realize how much I neglected you. Please forgive me. I can't "blame" it on my missing mental health, but I fear that it does weaken me, and that your high school and college prep time was spent caring for me--instead of the other way around. I'm SO proud of you. I'm always astounded with how well you raised yourself--and just wish that you'll be able to have everything God has planned for you.
I'm so looking to talking with you this week. I love you SO much. Be well, my son! Happy Christmas.
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