Discretion
is the better part of valor, or so Shakespeare wrote long before the
first business traveler stumbled up against the Chinese preoccupation
with “saving face.” In Asia, discretion is the better part of a way of life.
The
same blunt speaking that works in the West can lead to roadblocks in
the East. Getting things “off one’s chest” may enhance team building in
New York or Newcastle but upset harmony in Nanjing. “Free speech” as
defined at Hyde Park corner can be construed as foul speech in a Beijing
boardroom.
There
are always sensitive topics — political, religious, cultural — best
left unexplored when foreigners want to make the best impression. Yet
defining those topics can be challenging. Most Asian nations are far
less homogeneous than they may appear, with a mix of competing ethnicities and religions.
But
take heart, serial foot-in-mouthers and frequent “faux pas” flyers.
Here are the top ten commandments, some country-specific, some general,
for how to muffle and ultimately muzzle those no-nos of chitchat that
can derail East-West deals.
1) Thou shalt not let things get critical.
If
you have something negative to say about the work of a new Asian
colleague, always couch it in the positive. “In Japan I saw an
American’s key relationship with a government official deteriorate
because he publicly told the fellow, ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about.’,” said Mark Michelson, chairman of the Asia CEO Forum
in Hong Kong. “In any culture, you don’t want to embarrass anybody;
it’s better to be constructive. But in Asia, raising your voice or
pointing a finger can be especially disadvantageous.”
2) Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord in vain (especially when it is not your Lord).
In other words, do not criticize another’s
god. “In India, there are three opinions about religion: strong,
stronger and strongest,” said food critic Marryam Reshi.
In some Muslim regions, such as parts of Malaysia, some religious authorities say dogs are unclean and contact can be sinful. The sponsor of a recent initiative for Muslim Malays to “touch a dog” was greeted with death threats.
3) Thou shalt not press hot buttons.
No matter how youthful the translator, or how hip-looking the chief executive officer in China,
“remarks about the three “t’s” — that’s Tibet, Taiwan and Tiananmen —
will be construed as foreign interference,” said Mike Chinoy, a senior
fellow at the US-China Institute. In addition, “don’t praise Japan in
Korea or praise China in Japan,” wrote Micha Peled, the director of
China Blue and other documentaries, in an email. “In the Philippines,
don’t joke about the food or the Pope.” For South Korea, “mention of
North Korea is not advised either,” e-mailed Nicholas Tse, general
manager of the Seoul JW Marriott.
4) Thou shalt be politic about policies.
“It’s
probably best not to mention the laws about caning in Singapore,” said
Mitchell Farkas, head of China-based production company FarFilms. "An
American once remarked against the Bumiputra (Malay) allocations
enshrined in the Malaysian Constitution, forgetting the Native American
reservation system is similar,” recalled A Najib Ariffin, director of
Kuala Lumpur’s Nusantara Academy of Development, Geocultures and
Ethnolinguistics. “This upset the
hosts, who responded by simply retreating from any business with him.”
Another hint e-mailed by filmmaker Micha Peled, “In India, don’t tell
people the caste system is backward or ask why they don’t make peace
with Pakistan already.”
5) Thou shalt not be irreverent.
In Thailand, never make comments that could be construed as negative about the current king, Bhumibol Adulyadej, or former royalty.
Show respect at all times. “If you are prompted, just say he is a great
man,” said Peter Muennig, an associate professor at the Mailman School
of Public Health at
New York’s Columbia University. Even before a royalist military coup,
laws banning lese majeste were seriously imposed. Anything perceived as
an insult may offend your hosts, and could put you in Thai prison.
Women wear hats with pictures of Thai King Bhumibol Adulyadej. (Chumsak Kanoknan/Getty)
6) Thou shalt not ‘appear’ insensitive.
Ideas
of proper looks and colleagues’ best features may vary greatly. “Never
remark about a Japanese businessman’s hair,” warned anthropologist
Meyumi Ono. “No jokes about baldness, toupees or thinning hair combed
forward — what the Japanese call a ‘barcode.’ Also don’t bring up how
people smell.”
7) Thou shalt not presume when making compliments.
The
most annoying thing for Marriott’s Tse, who has Chinese heritage but
was raised in the United Kingdom, is when people say, “‘You speak such
good English!’.” After all, the Asian across the table may have been
born in the US or UK, or extensively educated there. “Condescension is a
big problem,” said Michelson of Asia CEO Forum. “People should try not
to generalise about ’them’ when talking with Asians.”
Don't take the last steamed dumpling. (Thinkstock)
8) Thou shalt mind your manners.
Flattering
words in a toast can be undone because of poor form. “Make sure when
clinking glasses, that you keep yours lower than your superior,”
reminded anthropologist Ono. This is true in China, in particular. It
is also important to “never refuse a delicacy offered,” Ono added.
Yet
show some restraint when it comes to certain food choices, said
US-China Institute’s Chinoy, who has had much banqueting experience.
“Don’t be the one to take those last few dumplings off the plate — your
hosts will curse you for having to order more.” Don’t leave chopsticks
sticking upwards in rice. In Korea and elsewhere, that looks like
incense burned for the dead. But loudly slurping soup, points out
Michelson “is viewed as a compliment.”
9) Thou shalt not take “yes” for an answer.
In the end, the biggest problem may be less what you've said
than what your Asian partners have left unclear. “I heard of an
executive who ultimately lost his job because he thought a Korean
company had said ‘yes’ to selling a 51% share — when the ‘yes’ only
meant they understood the issue.” said Chinoy, “In China, a quick “no”
usually means they want you to offer more, either officially or
unofficially.” But in Japan, Thailand and most Asian lands ‘no’ is a
word never uttered. Instead, delays and excuses are considered more
polite. Sometimes the problem can be just getting an answer. “In
Thailand, secretaries and assistants feel it’s their job to always
‘protect’ bosses,” said Briton Ian Semp, brand director of Bangkok’s
Pacific Beer & Beverage Co. “I've been told — even when I can see them at their desk — that they aren't in the office.”
10) Better yet, thou shalt hit the mute.
In
Hong Kong, where loud mobile phone conversations are the norm, the main
problem may be shouting your phone conversation over others. But in
Japan, “any conversation on a mobile is considered a rude invasion of
the public space,” said Ono. As in business conversations, silence is
often preferable. “Westerners always think they have to fill that
awkward pause,” Michelson said. “But ultimately, things left unsaid have
more value than what’s said.”
To comment on this story or anything else you have seen on BBC Capital, head over to our Facebook page or message us on Twitter.
From:
BBC Asia Story 29 Oct 14
